Angrenade

Finally, welcome.
I have been waiting.
Keeping an eye
For an eye out
And waiting for you.
Expecting for decades
But I didn't expect you
To be slinking in shadows.
Toothless and mute.
I didn't expect to
Find that you've always,
Always been with me
And I’ve always been you.

I've outsourced
For decades
To rap, rock and rebellion,
I've reclaimed the streets,
And I’ve stated my case.
I've marched up
I've sat down
And demanded attention
For everything global.
I’ve lobbied and risked
My local freedom
To stitch you into wings.

I've etched my flesh deeply
To give you a voice.
Scarred and pierced,
Sliced then tattooed.
Dyed for you,  
Close shaved
And grown wild;
On principle.
I’ve starved and force fed,
Trained, lifted and stretched
To run thousands of miles
Then I've crawled thousands more.
All to give you expression,
To match your reflection.
To undo your oppression
And earn my confession.

​I've twisted my mind
As I should and I shouldn't
I've appealed for help
To scrub and to cleanse.
I've got out of my mind
Then resorted back to it,
Swum in the drink
To deny what was left.
I've been with and avoided,
I've listened and begged.
I've screamed and I've shouted
Yet still you stayed dumb.
Still you said nothing
Despite being there.

​But I've pulled out your pin
One hundred,
One thousand times
Thrown myself on you,
One thousand times more.
Couldn't risk it,
The fall out.
I'd rather blow
My own guts out
Than find myself showered
In pieces of theirs.
I'll clean up
My own messes
slinking
In shadows.
Toothless
And mute.
Yes, I'll hold my own.

So I pulled out the pin
And dived under the duvet.
Thrown myself on you,
One thousand times more.
It's less painful that way.
It's less painful that way.
I’ve no more to say.
It's less painful that way.
I've pulled out the pin
I've pulled out the pin.
Take a deep breath,
It's time to go in…